This conversation seems to be coming up in my life more and more often lately, so I felt it was deserving of a blog post.
As a single woman, I get asked a lot about my dating life. How's it going? Is it going? What stories do I have? Have I heard from 'him' (meaning Steve, the most recent ex)? And the most frequent non-date but relationship related comment I receive is 'I'm glad it's not me.'
Yeah, dating is hard. It's really hard. People don't meet organically anymore. I hear on a semi-regular basis, people guessing I'll meet someone on the grocery store. Maybe then that would be meeting organically since that's the part of the grocery I shop in? (I know, bad joke) But I've used online dating off and on again since about 2008 to try to meet men for 2 reasons: 1) because I'm busy and usually haven't lived in the city I've been in very long, so it's a convenient way to get connected 2) because most of the men I do meet when I'm out are not the kind of man I'd enjoying talking to for more than 1 adult beverage.
But really, while I am looking for a man who's a nice gentleman that I wouldn't mind having some meals with or letting meet the fur children, the kind of dating I wish were easier would be with friends.
Making friends as a grown up is SO hard. Making GOOD friends is even harder. We spend so much of our time working, so hopefully you enjoy the people you work with because you're with them more than anyone else. And everyone (and by everyone, I mean me) needs some quiet, alone, me time (I find I need this more and more the older I get, or I get more exhausted in moments I didn't used to so much using my extroverted-ness). But I am a person that needs fulfilling, non-intimate relationships in my life. I'm so blessed to have an amazing group of friends from college and another from grad school, but none of these amazing friends live where I do. And in a good year, I get to see some of them twice a year. So while these relationships fill my bucket, I need more. But trying to find those relationships locally is hard, and scary.
That vulnerability of trying to make friends is just as hard as when you're trying to find a romantic partner. Putting yourself out there with the chance of rejection is hard. And when you find someone who says yes, they'll do whatever chosen activity you have proposed, and pending the success of hanging out, it can be hard to not be overbearing or too excited. When do you text? Do you text? Are they more of a phone person? How long before you hang out again? Or do you just wait it all out and let them come to you?
And then there's the issues of fulfillment, enjoyment of shared activities, trust and mutual respect too. There are so many variables to consider... where on earth do you begin?
I think all of this can be most accurately said by sharing a clip of one of my favorite movies... And don't worry, if I ask you to be my friend, I won't ask you to be my blood brother too.
As a single woman, I get asked a lot about my dating life. How's it going? Is it going? What stories do I have? Have I heard from 'him' (meaning Steve, the most recent ex)? And the most frequent non-date but relationship related comment I receive is 'I'm glad it's not me.'
Yeah, dating is hard. It's really hard. People don't meet organically anymore. I hear on a semi-regular basis, people guessing I'll meet someone on the grocery store. Maybe then that would be meeting organically since that's the part of the grocery I shop in? (I know, bad joke) But I've used online dating off and on again since about 2008 to try to meet men for 2 reasons: 1) because I'm busy and usually haven't lived in the city I've been in very long, so it's a convenient way to get connected 2) because most of the men I do meet when I'm out are not the kind of man I'd enjoying talking to for more than 1 adult beverage.
But really, while I am looking for a man who's a nice gentleman that I wouldn't mind having some meals with or letting meet the fur children, the kind of dating I wish were easier would be with friends.
Making friends as a grown up is SO hard. Making GOOD friends is even harder. We spend so much of our time working, so hopefully you enjoy the people you work with because you're with them more than anyone else. And everyone (and by everyone, I mean me) needs some quiet, alone, me time (I find I need this more and more the older I get, or I get more exhausted in moments I didn't used to so much using my extroverted-ness). But I am a person that needs fulfilling, non-intimate relationships in my life. I'm so blessed to have an amazing group of friends from college and another from grad school, but none of these amazing friends live where I do. And in a good year, I get to see some of them twice a year. So while these relationships fill my bucket, I need more. But trying to find those relationships locally is hard, and scary.
That vulnerability of trying to make friends is just as hard as when you're trying to find a romantic partner. Putting yourself out there with the chance of rejection is hard. And when you find someone who says yes, they'll do whatever chosen activity you have proposed, and pending the success of hanging out, it can be hard to not be overbearing or too excited. When do you text? Do you text? Are they more of a phone person? How long before you hang out again? Or do you just wait it all out and let them come to you?
And then there's the issues of fulfillment, enjoyment of shared activities, trust and mutual respect too. There are so many variables to consider... where on earth do you begin?
I think all of this can be most accurately said by sharing a clip of one of my favorite movies... And don't worry, if I ask you to be my friend, I won't ask you to be my blood brother too.
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