How many expression can you think of that use the word 'shame'?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Shame, shame, shame, I know your name.
Put to shame.
Crying shame.
Ain't that a shame.
Walk of shame.
I'm sure there are more. Shame is such a strong piece of our culture it seems these days but a word or feeling I don't hear many actually speaking to. I know it's existed LONG before social media, but I'm going to say that the access to constant comparison of your life against others doesn't help the issue. Shame is such an all encompassing emotion. I know in moments where I have felt or feel shame, I feel like Alice in Wonderland, when she's drank the little potion that shrank her down to teeny tiny. Small, insignificant. It's horrible. And takes me over like a hangover, a while to come out of the fog that leaves me sluggish and uncomfortable in my own skin.
So while many people may make New Year's Resolutions for 2018, I'm not. I'm giving the big old middle finger to SHAME this new year.
I've spent so much time and energy in 2017 feeling this disgusting emotion and I refuse to carry it with me into a new year. Let's be straight- 2017 has been insanely hard. I'm a new mom. A working mom. Still a newlywed, depending on who you ask. I don't understand my post-baby body. I'm officially in my mid-30s. My husband and I essentially single-parent our child most of the time. I miss my husband, despite living in the same house as him. We moved out of our horrible apartment and into a new house. My sister got married. Family dynamics have shifted in astronomical ways this year. I feel like I've been a piss-poor friend to so many that I love so intensely. And it's all been a blur.
And when I reflect on this year, it just feels heavy despite all the amazing things that have happened. And I know it's (mostly) attributed to shame.
Ashamed that I can't be a full-time mom. Ashamed that I can't be a full-time employee. Ashamed that I've let birthdays, anniversaries and relationships slip through the cracks. Ashamed that I haven't lost all the baby weight. Ashamed when I ask for help and that ask goes into the abyss. Ashamed when I feel left out of social moments. Ashamed when I am invited and can't go. Ashamed when my rough and tumble kid has bruises on my head. Ashamed when the vet says our pup needs to lose weight.
The list could go on and on and on and on and... well, you get the idea.
The tears are spilling down my cheeks as I type all of this. Because by speaking about it, I'm hoping to release the power I've been giving to this feeling. But also terrified because of the vulnerability of it all.
So step 1. Let's list out some amazing things that have happened:
I stepped back into my Key Leader position at lululemon shortly after returning from maternity leave. I am a working and full-time mom. I was the matron of honor in my sister's wedding. I am an aunt on the Criswell side of my family for the first time. My relationships with my Agate side of the family continue to grow stronger with each passing day. I got to see some of my absolute best girlfriends in the world a couple times this year. We moved out of our horrible apartment and into a great house. I have a beautiful and healthy and wild baby boy. I have an amazing partner who loves and supports me. I have amazing friends who understand my being a little MIA during all these transitions, and love me nonetheless.
Step 2. Talk about shame and dis-empower it. Go with grace. (see above and repeat as necessary)
Step 3. Breathe and give myself grace each day.
This is where we go from here. Leaving shame in 2017, and starting 2018 with grace. May it be abundant, beautiful and bright. May we be ever-loving and patient in our journey and open to what the Universe has for us. May we walk together, hand in hand. And may we kick ass too.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Shame, shame, shame, I know your name.
Put to shame.
Crying shame.
Ain't that a shame.
Walk of shame.
I'm sure there are more. Shame is such a strong piece of our culture it seems these days but a word or feeling I don't hear many actually speaking to. I know it's existed LONG before social media, but I'm going to say that the access to constant comparison of your life against others doesn't help the issue. Shame is such an all encompassing emotion. I know in moments where I have felt or feel shame, I feel like Alice in Wonderland, when she's drank the little potion that shrank her down to teeny tiny. Small, insignificant. It's horrible. And takes me over like a hangover, a while to come out of the fog that leaves me sluggish and uncomfortable in my own skin.
So while many people may make New Year's Resolutions for 2018, I'm not. I'm giving the big old middle finger to SHAME this new year.
I've spent so much time and energy in 2017 feeling this disgusting emotion and I refuse to carry it with me into a new year. Let's be straight- 2017 has been insanely hard. I'm a new mom. A working mom. Still a newlywed, depending on who you ask. I don't understand my post-baby body. I'm officially in my mid-30s. My husband and I essentially single-parent our child most of the time. I miss my husband, despite living in the same house as him. We moved out of our horrible apartment and into a new house. My sister got married. Family dynamics have shifted in astronomical ways this year. I feel like I've been a piss-poor friend to so many that I love so intensely. And it's all been a blur.
And when I reflect on this year, it just feels heavy despite all the amazing things that have happened. And I know it's (mostly) attributed to shame.Ashamed that I can't be a full-time mom. Ashamed that I can't be a full-time employee. Ashamed that I've let birthdays, anniversaries and relationships slip through the cracks. Ashamed that I haven't lost all the baby weight. Ashamed when I ask for help and that ask goes into the abyss. Ashamed when I feel left out of social moments. Ashamed when I am invited and can't go. Ashamed when my rough and tumble kid has bruises on my head. Ashamed when the vet says our pup needs to lose weight.
The list could go on and on and on and on and... well, you get the idea.
The tears are spilling down my cheeks as I type all of this. Because by speaking about it, I'm hoping to release the power I've been giving to this feeling. But also terrified because of the vulnerability of it all.
So step 1. Let's list out some amazing things that have happened:I stepped back into my Key Leader position at lululemon shortly after returning from maternity leave. I am a working and full-time mom. I was the matron of honor in my sister's wedding. I am an aunt on the Criswell side of my family for the first time. My relationships with my Agate side of the family continue to grow stronger with each passing day. I got to see some of my absolute best girlfriends in the world a couple times this year. We moved out of our horrible apartment and into a great house. I have a beautiful and healthy and wild baby boy. I have an amazing partner who loves and supports me. I have amazing friends who understand my being a little MIA during all these transitions, and love me nonetheless.
Step 2. Talk about shame and dis-empower it. Go with grace. (see above and repeat as necessary)
Step 3. Breathe and give myself grace each day.
This is where we go from here. Leaving shame in 2017, and starting 2018 with grace. May it be abundant, beautiful and bright. May we be ever-loving and patient in our journey and open to what the Universe has for us. May we walk together, hand in hand. And may we kick ass too.
Comments