So after seeing this article reposted about 10 different times on Facebook, I finally caved and took a look. I'm still recovering from surgery and despite my best efforts last night, couldn't sleep, so it was in a moment of weakness- I'm feeling slightly loopy still (ask my roommate, bless her for dealing with me) and out of touch with the world. (One click later I was also looking at this Buzzfeed classic that made me nostalgic for elementary school and the simplicity of life then... but back to the original link...) It's 6:30am, windows open and I hear the rain tapping away outside. Maggy is moaning in her bed while Maizey sits in the window. And my face is illuminated by the glow on my phone as I scroll through this article with my pointer finger.
How did this guy get in my head and take all of my thoughts? This is so spot on. Everything I've thought, so eloquently said.
I mean, you can't help (and by you, I mean me) but be pissed that someone else wrote it before I did- got all of those thoughts into one beautifully concise and accurate article. Granted, I don't have the perspective of having been married and divorced. But damn the man, he hit the nail on the head spot on.
If you are single and trying to date in these days and times, you've tried a laundry list of ways to meet someone: Tinder, OkCupid, Match.com, EHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, speed dating, the grocery store, the sports bar, blind dates... the list goes on and on to include niche markets. And some people have some success. I have several friends who have gotten married after meeting their partners on either Match or EHarmony. I met a couple a few weeks back who met on Tinder. Plenty of Fish has produced 2 relationships that I know of. But it's hard to meet anyone in a 'natural' environment anymore. And by natural I mean where people actually speak to one another face to face. At least that's my opinion and experience and it could be that I am not in the right environments, but I've tried. I have some girlfriends who think it's Raleigh and that I just won't meet the right kind of man for me here. There's any number of variables that I can 'blame' for my single hood.
I haven't met someone over produce in the market (like Addison and Jake from Private Practice; or like a guy I once dated told me is how I should be meeting people when he found out I used online dating). I haven't met a nice gentleman who wants to take me out on a date and get to know more about me after being at the same bar to watch a game. Most conversations take place via text where you can only interpret emotion through some well placed but hopefully not over utilized emoticons. Sometimes there's not ever even an exchange of a phone number- it can all be done with a first name through an app. It has become as basic as swiping left or swiping right based on a couple of photos. So if you are lucky enough to meet someone in the world of superficial connections, then you get into the challenges that D'Ambrosio talks about.
I'm not always successful, but I try to be present where I am. At concerts (which I've been to a few lately and have a slew more coming up), I try to leave my phone in my bag and limit myself to one photo, no videos. I found myself getting so caught up in trying to get the best video, or the best photo and then sharing it in that moment... and not being present and enjoying where I was. Yes, a video can be good, but it doesn't carry the same weight as relishing in the vibrations and hysterical dancing happening around you (and let me tell you, I saw lots of that at the John Mellencamp concert I went to last week). Or if I'm out with girlfriends, staying off my phone, even in moments of insecurity where it serves as a crutch. When you look around and realize how many beautiful people there are around you- when everyone is looking to connect, how do you compete? Or the situation in which you decide to eat cereal or pb&j to get you through payday to have a fun night out, or take on additional debt. It's a game of shoots and ladders- how can you get ahead, and where do you fall behind? How does our desire to connect and show what a great life we have to the world hinder us from true connections? Or how does it enable that?
Don't get me wrong- there are many moments I am abundantly thankful for technology and the entertainment of online dating. It can be a hoot. And the ability to share pictures, quick texts and FaceTiming has provided me opportunities to stay connected with friends all over the country and world. And still feeling connected in those moments between conversations. But when I look at the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook... let's not kid ourselves, most of them are not friends. They are someone at met once at a conference, or a wedding. Or someone I knew from back in West Chester, Ohio and haven't talked to since graduating in 2002 (yes, I am old).
And I realize the irony of blogging about this article and talking about the use of social media as a means of connecting, or the lack thereof, with people. But hey- it's the scene now-a-days. I've invited you into my bed with me (because that's literally where I am writing this blog post from in my sleep deprived state). But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to throw in my 2 cents and piggyback on this article because it's something I think and talk about with such frequency. In a world with the ability to instantly connect with someone, how do you find/create meaning in those connections? I don't have any answers (well, maybe some, but not many, just lots of opinions) but lots of questions for sure. And to quote D'Ambrosio "People can agree or disagree. And I'm perfectly okay with that."
How did this guy get in my head and take all of my thoughts? This is so spot on. Everything I've thought, so eloquently said.
I mean, you can't help (and by you, I mean me) but be pissed that someone else wrote it before I did- got all of those thoughts into one beautifully concise and accurate article. Granted, I don't have the perspective of having been married and divorced. But damn the man, he hit the nail on the head spot on.
If you are single and trying to date in these days and times, you've tried a laundry list of ways to meet someone: Tinder, OkCupid, Match.com, EHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, speed dating, the grocery store, the sports bar, blind dates... the list goes on and on to include niche markets. And some people have some success. I have several friends who have gotten married after meeting their partners on either Match or EHarmony. I met a couple a few weeks back who met on Tinder. Plenty of Fish has produced 2 relationships that I know of. But it's hard to meet anyone in a 'natural' environment anymore. And by natural I mean where people actually speak to one another face to face. At least that's my opinion and experience and it could be that I am not in the right environments, but I've tried. I have some girlfriends who think it's Raleigh and that I just won't meet the right kind of man for me here. There's any number of variables that I can 'blame' for my single hood.
I haven't met someone over produce in the market (like Addison and Jake from Private Practice; or like a guy I once dated told me is how I should be meeting people when he found out I used online dating). I haven't met a nice gentleman who wants to take me out on a date and get to know more about me after being at the same bar to watch a game. Most conversations take place via text where you can only interpret emotion through some well placed but hopefully not over utilized emoticons. Sometimes there's not ever even an exchange of a phone number- it can all be done with a first name through an app. It has become as basic as swiping left or swiping right based on a couple of photos. So if you are lucky enough to meet someone in the world of superficial connections, then you get into the challenges that D'Ambrosio talks about.
I'm not always successful, but I try to be present where I am. At concerts (which I've been to a few lately and have a slew more coming up), I try to leave my phone in my bag and limit myself to one photo, no videos. I found myself getting so caught up in trying to get the best video, or the best photo and then sharing it in that moment... and not being present and enjoying where I was. Yes, a video can be good, but it doesn't carry the same weight as relishing in the vibrations and hysterical dancing happening around you (and let me tell you, I saw lots of that at the John Mellencamp concert I went to last week). Or if I'm out with girlfriends, staying off my phone, even in moments of insecurity where it serves as a crutch. When you look around and realize how many beautiful people there are around you- when everyone is looking to connect, how do you compete? Or the situation in which you decide to eat cereal or pb&j to get you through payday to have a fun night out, or take on additional debt. It's a game of shoots and ladders- how can you get ahead, and where do you fall behind? How does our desire to connect and show what a great life we have to the world hinder us from true connections? Or how does it enable that?
Don't get me wrong- there are many moments I am abundantly thankful for technology and the entertainment of online dating. It can be a hoot. And the ability to share pictures, quick texts and FaceTiming has provided me opportunities to stay connected with friends all over the country and world. And still feeling connected in those moments between conversations. But when I look at the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook... let's not kid ourselves, most of them are not friends. They are someone at met once at a conference, or a wedding. Or someone I knew from back in West Chester, Ohio and haven't talked to since graduating in 2002 (yes, I am old).
And I realize the irony of blogging about this article and talking about the use of social media as a means of connecting, or the lack thereof, with people. But hey- it's the scene now-a-days. I've invited you into my bed with me (because that's literally where I am writing this blog post from in my sleep deprived state). But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to throw in my 2 cents and piggyback on this article because it's something I think and talk about with such frequency. In a world with the ability to instantly connect with someone, how do you find/create meaning in those connections? I don't have any answers (well, maybe some, but not many, just lots of opinions) but lots of questions for sure. And to quote D'Ambrosio "People can agree or disagree. And I'm perfectly okay with that."
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