Who Knew

It sounds so easy, and is something we typically do so freely. Closing our eyes. We do it when we need to rest. Or quickly to blink. Or in moments when we may be fighting back tears. Maybe it's in frustration and you're counting to 10 simultaneously. When you're wrapped in a warm embrace of someone you love. Stopping yourself from seeing something you don't want to see. There are so many reasons we close our eyes. During my time in higher education, so often we used activities that called on our students to close their eyes. And in those moments I either opted into facilitating the activity so I could keep my eyes open, or participated with my eyes closed, feeling nervous, tense and uncomfortable the entire time. If there was a way I could participate and keep my eyes open, I did.  I have always been so uneasy to close my eyes in moments like this in a public space. Until last week. I was at a coworkers house for our December lulu staff meeting. And we talked ...

That's the old adage, right? Pictures (aka evidence) or you didn't do it, right? Just like it's not real unless it's FBO (good old Facebook official). Funny how we need the digital evidence to prove what we've done in real time. It's hard to believe that a month ago I was packing my bags for a 10-day adventure across the country. It feels like it was just yesterday, but forever ago at the same time.  Portland, Salt Lake City, Omaha, Cincinnati and Raleigh.  But it was so much more than that.  It was laughing with friends and family that we don't see often enough. It was seeing that only half of Oregon is the tree-lined lush state. It was making up stories of rock monsters and talking to all the different species of animals in the fields along the road. It was eating gas station food, taking a gamble with the Mexican restaurant near the hotel and 'modern' rest stops. It was karaoke, wine, beer and stepping foot in states we'd never been in (whic...

If you thought you read that statement incorrectly, it should say 'why I'm leaving higher education.' Yep. It's true. The word is out, and so I've decided it's definitely time I write about some really important things that are happening in my life a little more publicly. Mostly because I am really excited about these changes, and partly because I feel there's a lot of judgment going on about my decisions and I'd like to clarify why I'm taking this path. For those who have not heard the news (which is probably most of you), I put in my resignation at NC State and will be joining the lululemon team. I will be working in the store and am excited about this opportunity. I have loved my past retail experiences. I love what lululemon stands for and their community engagement. I am not making this choice because I am desperate to get out of my current position or because it's the only job I could find. I am making this choice because I feel it's ...

This has been a weird week. We had orientation on Thursday and Friday (our final one for 2015), had Saturday off, and then worked Sunday and into this week. So I already feel out of sorts with forgetting what day of the week it really is. Then the past 24 hours I've dealt with 2 fire alarms: one at home, one at work. The one at home happened at 9:45pm or so, but I'd already gone to bed and woke confused and terrified. I had no idea what time it was, was worried because I couldn't find Ashley, I knew I was going to have to go back for Maizey (who was hiding under the bed) and had 2 terrified dogs. We safely waited outside to learn someone had just pulled the alarm, but it was an unnerving experience. Then the second alarm happened at work at the end of our program today. Again, everything was fine and everyone was safe, but another time of very quickly shifting gears. And then there's been the loss of life. Someone I've grown up knowing my whole life lost her fig...

How many of you have TimeHop on your phone?  There are so many moments where I LOVE TimeHop, and then just as many that I hate it.  And I feel like my experience with TimeHop has totally changed recently, as it's expanded to include what people have written on my wall, which has been really interesting to see and has inspired a lot of reflection on the relationships in my life. I see comments and posts from people that I don't have relationships with any more. Sometimes because we grew apart. We stopped having friends in common. I moved... a lot. Sometimes there was a falling out. Sometimes it was a conscious choice after reflecting what the person did (or did not) bring into my life.  And sometimes life just takes you in different directions. I see a lot of moments that take me back.  There was one the other day that appeared from when one of my best girlfriends decided 5 years ago that I needed to be a contestant on the Bachelor or Bachelorette. She went on a w...

Recently, I was out with a new friend out at a bar playing Connect 4. Remember that game? It was one of my favorites back in the day. Along with Guess Who, CandyLand and Clue. I've always loved playing games like that, but have never been one who's particularly competitive. I think in hindsight for me, it was about the time I was getting with the people, the laughing and the fun.  And that still carries through to who I am today. This same friend I'm talking about playing Connect 4 with also gave me one of the best and most intense compliments I've ever received in my life. He's on a tour across the country right now and he said that meeting me has been the best part of his trip. In disbelief, I asked how this could be true. He's traveling across the country, seeing so many things people don't have the opportunity to, including myself. I'm incredibly jealous of this journey he's on, so for me, I just can't fathom how I am even a blip on the rad...

So if you know why April 27, 2011 is such an important date in my life, then you are probably wondering why the heck I am talking about celebrating this day. In the 4 years since that day, I've had more weather related anxiety than I ever thought possible. Warm weather and a gust of win makes my heart race. My coworkers have had to listen to me strategize about how we'd flip a table and hide underneath it in a hallway or someone's closed office if given the word from our local weather man. I hear sirens and feel like I'm going to vomit. There have been days my anxiety has been so debilitating that I can't work. And I still have all of those feelings about tomorrow. Trust me. Even typing about it now my heart is racing. But I'm trying to change that. Little by little. And it starts with celebrating tomorrow. Here are some things I have to celebrate that I realized as a result of that day: The community I belong to as a supporter of Sigma Phi Epsilon. I g...

So after seeing  this article  reposted about 10 different times on Facebook, I finally caved and took a look. I'm still recovering from surgery and despite my best efforts last night, couldn't sleep, so it was in a moment of weakness- I'm feeling slightly loopy still ( ask my roommate, bless her for dealing with me ) and out of touch with the world. ( One click later I was also looking at this Buzzfeed classic that made me nostalgic for elementary school and the simplicity of life then... but back to the original link...) It's 6:30am, windows open and I hear the rain tapping away outside. Maggy is moaning in her bed while Maizey sits in the window. And my face is illuminated by the glow on my phone as I scroll through this article with my pointer finger. How did this guy get in my head and take all of my thoughts? This is so spot on. Everything I've thought, so eloquently said. I mean, you can't help ( and by you, I mean me ) but be pissed that someone els...

You know how they say it's the little things that make the biggest impact? I typically find this statement to hold true. I remember a lot of small moments and things that have made a really big impact in my life. When a stranger walking down the street encouraged me to 'chin up because it was all going to be all right' years ago when I was living in Greensboro and having a bad day. Last year when I moved into my place and a friend sent me a plant to help congratulate and celebrate the new chapter in my life. Random texts and emails I get from students that I've worked with along the way with kind words. They all make a big difference. Well I'm hoping that this holds true in a physical relation as well. This week I'm having surgery and now that it's getting close, I won't lie, I'm getting a little nervous. This procedure is different than others I've had in the past. For years (probably close to 10 at this point) I've known I have a deviated...

Going to get a little sentimental here for a minute y'all (as if you couldn't tell by the video or title). But there are some people I need to give a shoutout to. To the motley crew, my PC fam. Baby Shower, March 2014 If you haven't heard me talk about these people, well then one of two things is happening: 1. You aren't listening or 2. We aren't that close. Most likely, it's #1. Because I pretty much find any way I can to bring up these incredible people, and I've gotten pretty good at finding reasons to talk about them over the years.  We have this little program that brought us together... Precollege. We were all working summer orientation at the magical Ohio University together in either 2005 (2k5!) or 2006. Or some of us even were still around in 2007. (I'm sorry, 3 summers of Precollege is still not enough) We've been through a lot together. Good hairstyles, bad hairstyles. I think collectively between us all, we've lived in...

... and an introduction to 2015. Okay, yes, I realize it's not Saturday night. But all week I wasn't able to keep straight what day of the week it was. The roommate and I were at kickboxing the other night and having a quick chat between exercises about what day it was. She told me it was Wednesday and I still thought it was Thursday and just couldn't get it out of my head. I couldn't even say Wednesday even though she had literally just told me it was. This is how I feel my 2015 has been so far. A powerful whirlwind that takes your breath away. But before I get too far ahead, I want to take some time to recap 2014 (well, really just the end of it) and lay it to rest. Let's not kid ourselves, overall it was a shitty year. 2013 ended shitty with the devastating and totally startling breakup that happened and so I carried all sorts of baggage into the year.  Already feeling unwanted, lonely, depressed and abandoned, things got worse. I found out that a group of ...