Who Knew

Y'all. Life is so interesting. There's been SO much, and exactly nothing , happening all at the same time. I've been all over the place in the past couple of months- lots of great travels, adventures, reconnections. So many amazing conversations and thoughts, and there's one thread that I just can't stop thinking about.  And it's this: What makes you so important? And just like my life, I think the answer is S O much, and exactly nothing . I went to my first Beta Theta Pi chapter meeting recently. (Sidenote: It's been a while since I'd been to a fraternity chapter meeting and the feeling of walking into a room of 60 men and knowing just a handful of people was an overwhelming experience, but a welcome one.) Part of the conversation that evening revolved around risk management, what are the expectations for being a member of this organization-- you know, all of the really fun things that students love to hear about.  During this conversation, one of m...

Another exciting Sunday night here at Chateau de Criz.  The condo is clean. Laundry is done. Lunch is prepared for tomorrow. I finally washed my make-up brushes and put coconut oil on my hair (it's been WAY too long since I got it cut so I'm hoping this can continue to help control the crazy split ends I'm dealing with). I washed Maggy's bed, but she may be due for a new one... rather than smelling like dog like it did before, now it smells like wet dog- bleh! I've been really interested in different areas of physical health lately- specifically looking at Pilates, yoga, meditation and some other related areas. I'll admit, I've been rotten. I haven't run in 4 weeks. And I'm starting back this week- this is my public declaration to help keep me accountable- but I know I need to exercise in other ways than just running. My awesome friend Leslie recommended a Pandora station I've fallen in love with (Heart Meditations) and I've found that it...

It's been quiet on the blog lately but that doesn't mean it's been quiet in my head or life. Here are some quick updates: Where I've been... Avoiding the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge - I was nominated twice (sorry ladies that nominated me- I clearly never followed through). While I love what this campaign accomplished in terms of fundraising and bringing attention to this horrible disease, I really struggled with the  trend  it had become. Many people were just doing it to participate in the fad, rather than taking time to learn and research about ALS and that really bothered me. While I could have made an awareness video myself instead of participating by dumping cold water and ice over my head, I just made a commitment to myself to continue to support organizations I believe in and friends in their efforts and passion causes. Plus, I'm an individual who would rather donate time to a cause and be 'on the ground' making things happen (i.e.: volunteering at...

I may have been a little overzealous with my commitment to exercising today... only time (aka tomorrow) will tell. I went with a friend to Bikram Yoga today (hot yoga) for the first time. I've always really enjoyed yoga and pilates, and been interested in hot yoga so when the opportunity arose, who was I to say no?  It reminded me a lot of when I first started cycling- an element of being uncomfortable when you're first getting started. Hot yoga means sweating... lots of sweat. And for someone who doesn't really enjoy sweating buckets and buckets, it was an interesting experience. But I was able to get 20 consecutive days of classes for $20, so I hope to make it 3-4 more times to get my money's worth and also decide if I really like it or not. And now I know more of what to expect going forward. Then after some smoothies and girl chat, I came home, traded out yoga pants for running pants and hit the ground running, literally. I was supposed to run yesterday and tod...

When I mention a beet, it brings a very distinct color to mind, doesn't it? That bright reddy purple kind of color that convinces you its going to make your mouth that same color if you eat it. Well I've never had my mouth turn the color of a beet... but I'm pretty sure my face was that color today after my first day of half marathon training. Oh, and I was delightful pouring sweat too.  Folks, it was a struggle.  The whole time I'm negotiating with myself... here are a couple of samples of those conversations I had with me, myself and I. Oh sweet lord, this guy next to me smells like BO and cigarettes. Why did he pick the treadmill next to me? ( 5 minutes later when he's gone ) Wait, I still smell that smell... shit does that mean I'm the one who smells like that! I put on deodorant today and have been no where near a cigarette! What the hell! Okay, just stare at the TV and read about this guy who's being suspended for 2 games for physically assaultin...

Another orientation season has come and gone , and just as it is with every year, I don't know how it happened. The days were long, the stress was high, and the summer flew. And it was awesome.  But while this all happened, everything, and nothing, changed.  When you're on campus for up to 18 hours a day, sometimes nothing of magnitude happens, but during that same amount of time, the effect of all of these days of 'nothing' on a regular basis add up to something.  Here's what I've learned or discovered has changed about me during the past 2 months: I gained weight :( I was doing an awesome job of working out and eating right until mid-June when work really took over my life.  And despite the fact that I was walking all over campus, it happened. I wasn't eating well (or how I like to) and wasn't getting my heart rate up enough regularly. I also sat for long periods of time in between sessions during the day. I hate how I feel, so here's how I...

Fight or flight- I'm sure you've heard about it. According to the internet, it's:  The  fight-or-flight response  (also called the  fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response  [in PTSD],  hyperarousal , or the  acute stress response ) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived  harmful event ,  attack , or threat to survival. [1]  It was first described by  Walter Bradford Cannon . [a] [2]  His theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system , priming the animal for fighting or fleeing. [3]  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response) I think with humans, it takes a lot of different forms. But I saw it in full force last night at the 4th of July fireworks in downtown Raleigh.  I was at Big Easy with my friend Anna, after having had an awesome dinner with her family to celebrate her birthday.  Downtown was madness- a lot of ...

As many people in my life know, this is an insane time of year for me. It's the magical orientation season, where I spend anywhere from 12-18 hours a day on campus facilitating our new community members receiving information on a variety of topics and working with our student leaders. My life is dictated by the hands on the face of my watch, down to the second. Where I am, what I need to be doing, if I have time to go to the restroom and if I can talk to anyone outside of my campus family. It's a give and take, a push and pull, and consumer of all of my energies. So when I say that I've been thinking a lot about time lately, it's a dramatic understatement.  But as I go through these daily cycles, I do find time to have some really great conversations.  And time has been the center of a lot of those conversations lately. And how time in the grand sense is such a funny thing. The timing of how and when things occurs is an interesting 'system' (for lack of a be...

Who knows about Strengths Finder or Strengths Quest? I'll be honest, off hand, I can't tell you my top 5. If I work real hard, think about it, and maybe flip back through my photos, I'll find a picture of the sticky note that has them written down (which let's not kid ourselves, I just did for the sake of this post). Drumroll please.... They are: Empathy Individualization Maximizer Connectedness Developer This means that I have a bunch of skills that make me really great at relationship building and looking at other people's skills and helping them use their skills to further their growth and recognize them in their success.  I also think this means I feel things really deeply, sometimes in an overly sensitive way if I don't think people have considered my feelings or being in a decision they've made. But I love my top five. And really, my favorite right now is ' connectedness .'   I think the most powerful part of that descriptio...

If you know me, you know I'm not an especially adventurous person. I'm terrified of heights (ask my mom about being at the top of the Empire State building in NYC- she loves to tell that story). I typically won't eat something if I don't know what's in it (half because of being a vegetarian, half because that's frightening). Being startled makes me cry and hyperventilate (and sometimes laugh at the same time depending on the circumstances). I truly admire those who are adventurous and get excited about jumping out of airplanes, or eating things that look funny or travel the world with nothing more than what they have on their back. And I want to be that person in so many ways. And I do try. I recently went to my first cycling class- something I've wanted to do for so long but has been so intimidating. I've now gone to 3 classes. I promised myself I would go to 5 and then evaluate if I wanted to continue going... and I think I just might. I've ...

This conversation seems to be coming up in my life more and more often lately, so I felt it was deserving of a blog post. As a single woman, I get asked a lot about my dating life. How's it going? Is it going? What stories do I have? Have I heard from 'him' (meaning Steve, the most recent ex)? And the most frequent non-date but relationship related comment I receive is 'I'm glad it's not me.' Yeah, dating is hard. It's really hard. People don't meet organically anymore.  I hear on a semi-regular basis, people guessing I'll meet someone on the grocery store. Maybe then that would be meeting organically since that's the part of the grocery I shop in? (I know, bad joke) But I've used online dating off and on again since about 2008 to try to meet men for 2 reasons: 1) because I'm busy and usually haven't lived in the city I've been in very long, so it's a convenient way to get connected 2) because most of the men I do meet...

I'm making a new commitment to health and wellness, of all varieties. And for me, this means with what I eat, how I spend my leisurely time, and what I'm doing to make myself feel good.  You can call it vain, but for me health is the whole package and I'm trying to take care of myself in every aspect --that is important to me.  (Because if I don't take care of myself, then who will? The answer is no one) And I've heard all sorts of things lately about coconut oil, so I decided to do some Googling and see what I could learn. I found this brief but informative link from Dr. Oz (who generally I don't take super seriously because to me, doctors and TV don't go hand in hand *cough* Dr. Phil *cough*) to give me a foundation to start from.  So I dug some more. Then I found this from Wellness Mama  and while 101 uses is a little absurd and totally not what I was looking for, I thought okay, it's game time now.  I've heard of people using coconut oil for t...

I've now lived 1 unit away from 2 different dead men. I'm starting to develop a complex. One was an old man who lived by himself in the unit next to mine when I was in grad school in Greensboro. We had a yard separating us, and I hardly ever saw him and we never actually spoke.  I knew something was up when I hadn't seen his underwear drying on his front stoop for several days and his mailbox was overflowing. But I was house-sitting and convinced myself I was over-reacting.  Nope, I wasn't making things off. His normal routine wasn't happening and he was in fact dead in his apartment. He'd had a massive heart attack in his bed. He had no family he was in contact with so it was a while before anyone figured out he was dead. I knew something in my complex was going on on Sunday night when a fire truck pulled in with its lights going and no sirens. I thought that it was an old man who lives on the first floor, maybe he'd fallen; nothing emergent but obvious...

The tough get a fever. This week was hard in so many ways and so many levels. Personally, physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally... any way you can think of, life got hard this week.  It took every ounce willpower in me to coach myself through each moment, each conversation and to be patient and kind to myself and with others as I went through the week.  I had to force myself to be fully present in each individual moment, because if I even tried to think one step ahead of myself, well, I wouldn't have been able to make it.  And at the end of the week, my body couldn't take anymore and I had a fever and a swollen throat and slept on my couch because I couldn't even make it to my bed. But here's the cool part. I also had a lot of really amazing moments happen too. Lots of authentic and candid conversations that wouldn't have happened otherwise. A great night with a friend I haven't seen in over 2 years. A trip to the beach. Exploring new areas of ...

This is my song of the day. It's such a good song, that always makes me shakes my head and sway back and forth to the rhythm. And right now its so applicable--- so much happened yesterday that was distracting for me- some happy news, some bad news. But ultimately, I have to shake what's happened off and start each day independent of the last. Today I'm moving on. Proof is in the pudding'-----I went to the gym this morning! Day one, check! Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine

A couple years ago, after this day, I tried to document what happened on April 27, 2011, but never successfully got the whole story down.  I wanted to capture that day accurately and entirely so I never could forget all the details of what happened the day a tornado ravaged the town I was living in. And I never could do it. It was too raw, too painful. And every day I still remember that day and it still hurts, but I hope I can do that day justice as I write this blog now. We knew bad weather was on the way. Lots of people were heading home early, but this wasn't something I felt I could do.  So keeping the news on in the background, I worked at my desk, glancing out the window every so often. I emailed a (now) friend who I was supposed to meet for the first time that day, he was in town visiting for work, and told him what news sources to follow and warned him to be careful because it was going to get bad. At some point, students came down to line the hallways of our buildi...

I stumbled across this 'pin' on Pinterest today while relaxing on my couch and for the first time in a long time, felt inspired down in my heart. What have I been doing the past couple of weeks? I've been pounding the pavement, traveling all over and grabbing at straws. I've been trying my damnedest to take care of myself, but doing a mediocre job at best.  My eating has been okay, my sleeping has slightly improved (except for those 5 nights on couches), and my exercise has been none. I even joined the local YMCA last month and have yet to go. Well why the hell not? Great question. And I can make a lot of excuses. But this is what I can promise. Starting Friday, I'm going. (I'm not making excuses... I have things happening at 7pm both Wednesday and Thursday this week) And I may be scared to go to a gym by myself and looking like a fool, but I'm going. Because better to look silly than not take care of myself.   And in the same token, I'm holdin...

Meet Miss Magnolia Jane Criswell. I know, its a mouthful, right?  I just read this  article and it moved me so (to tears actually) that I immediately wanted to take time to chronicle the story of my little girls.  Since the article was about dogs, I thought I'd start with mine. Several weeks after the April 27 tornado when I lived in Tuscaloosa my friend Kristen and I decided to take a weekend getaway to the beach. We needed a break from the broken reality we were experiencing-- our town was destroyed, all radio stations were in emergency broadcast mode and everything was a story of destruction, usually with a side of an uplifting emotional journey. (Picture- Maggy several days after I rescued her, May 2011) And we needed out. On our way back to Tuscaloosa after a weekend in the Florida Panhandle with fictional identities (totally not lying- we made stories of who we were so we wouldn't have to talk about what we'd run away from for just 1 weekend), we were crui...

Sometimes music says things more perfectly than I can.

This weekend I was bad and cheated twice. On Friday, I got a piece of cheesecake, a kind I'd never had before from the Cheesecake Factory- toasted s'mores. I have a sweet tooth, but holy smokes that was RICH! And then yesterday my sister and I had pizza as part of our family's Groundhog Day celebration. I ate 3 pieces of Pizza Hut pan style pizza, with jalapeño and pineapple. And none of it was worth it.  The pizza made me wake up puffy faced like I'd been crying all night. I felt so ill that I couldn't make it to the grocery store or to the gym like I had planned. The cheesecake put in me considerable discomfort. It may have tasted good, but it felt miserable. I've really been trying to be a clean (if nothing else, cleaner) eater. I've been juicing in the mornings (I'm still working on figuring out combinations, but feel like I have some good ones up my sleeve). Lots of soups and salads. I've been cooking more at home too, making quinoa pizza ...

You may have heard about a little 'snow day' we are having here in Raleigh today, as is much of the Southeast part of the country. ( Which I must give a shoutout to those folks in the Atlanta-Metro area and in Alabama who have been hit much harder and struggled much more. Many of you have struggled to get home, be safe, and be warm. You will not hear this girl ever making fun of people in the South for not being able to handle winter weather) So this snowy weather meant that NC State cancelled classes after 1pm yesterday and all of today.  I've seen some AWESOME photos of people playing in the snow (there was at 600+ person snowball fight on the Court of North Carolina today) and I have enjoyed having a little time off at home, snuggled with the fur babies and watching Weeds on Netflix. And doing work. Oh yeah! My friend and co-worker Cameron and I have been doing phone interviews for our summer internship positions today from the comfort of her apartment. Some people...

If I hadn't figured out YEARS ago that I was a scattered mind individual and created systems to keep it together, gracious me, I would be a disaster.  I found myself in a meeting today, semi-panicked, because I couldn't use my phone to take notes of things that were coming to mind, so I had to flip over a sheet of paper I was using and just write down a couple of key words to keep it together. If I can't 'document' it somehow, it'll be gone. And my organization system might not make sense to everyone, but it works. For example, I have a silver turtle candle holder on the 1st shelf of my bookcase. Under that turtle goes receipts and documents I need to file. No real rhyme or reason as to how that became 'my place' but that's how it works while I'm in this apartment. I have a similar system with my keys- all 3 sets (car, apartment, work). If I stick with the system, I can usually avoid misplacing or losing things... key word = usually. But some...

This weekend I was reminded of why I ended up in my career.  There was a really long period of time where I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but when I was in the classroom, I found I wasn't fulfilled. While I personally loved poetry, I hated trying to get the class I was student teaching with to learn the information. I struggled with how is this going to help them grow up and be good people... Especially when many of them were experiencing forms of abuse and neglect. I was more concerned with addressing their physical and emotional needs. It was hard to admit the career I thought was perfect for me was in fact totally wrong. Between an awesome mentor and being involved on campus, I discovered that I could make working on a college campus a full time job. I earned my masters and started in a full time capacity in 2009. I've been so lucky to work with so many amazing college students since I began my masters in 2007. And this weekend was one of the best I've had in my role...

If you know me, you know that disorganization sends shudders down my spine. That everything has a place. And a system of being done. Trust me, there is a right and a wrong way of emptying the dishwasher. And there are times on your alarm clock you should not wake up to. An order that you should bathe in the shower. And yes, while you're asking me if I knew I had OCD tendencies, I do. I was just having a conversation with my physician about it today as a matter of fact. Post-It notes are my favorite kind of reminder. Normally, I have several going all at once--especially on my desk at work. I have a notepad in my car and in my purse. And then just in case, I use the 'Notes' function on my iphone like it's no ones business. I was comparing notes in my phone to notes in my notebook I keep in my purse earlier, just to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Yes- I know... it's neurotic. Scars are another kind of reminder. I saw something the other day that descr...

Happy 2014 y'all. I've seen people tweeting and facebooking all sorts of interesting things to introduce the new year. I myself am guilty in partaking in some of this hype as well. '2013- Thank you for the lessons. 2014- I am ready' is one you'll find on my Instragram account (JCriz for those of you wondering). And while I love inspirational and motivating quotes, I hate New Years. Yep, you read it right. In general, I'm not a fan of 'holidays.' Thanksgiving I truly love because its about food and fabulous people that I love. But things or occasions where there is pressure to find gifts or create fuss don't bring me joy. I have, on more than one account, been called a grinch. Guilty as charged... to some extent. And I will have you know, I tried very hard to get into the holiday spirit this year. I bought some new decorations and put up my tree. It worked a little bit. Maybe I'm especially cynical this year, as I'd thought I'd hav...