Who Knew

'No man will love you better...' 'Do you like to cuddle?' Dating is THE WORST. People don't meet organically anymore, or not very frequently. I've been using online dating sites since 2008 and boy oh boy do I have stories. I've had some good dates, but more bad ones. I've learned its easy to feel like you connect with someone online but it's the real life chemistry and interaction that counts. I've learned that protecting yourself is invaluable, especially in an age when accessibility is the name of the game. I don't give out my phone number easily, nor do I let just anyone into my home. And most importantly, I don't let just anyone into my life. Which makes it hard when you may want to let someone in. A good friend of mine has said to me her biggest worry about me post-breakup 2013 is that I will build all my walls back up. And it's hard not to do that. You open yourself up in a relationship and trust and become vulnerable, and so wh...

When the month of December began, I created a list of goals for myself to try to achieve this month. I've never been a big individual on setting goals- they usually made me feel yucky and like a failure. But I decided to give it another shot from a positive light. I figured, worse case scenario, I do some things I enjoy and take some steps in the right direction of taking better care of myself.  I figured since were halfway through the month, it'd be fair to do a quick review of how it's going.  I'm kicking ass with my goal of reading 2 books. Sometimes I forget how much I love reading. I'd been trying to read more non-fiction lately, but the books I was choosing were making my heart too heavy so I read 2 fictional stories. It felt good to get back to reading. I plan on checking out some audio books for the travels to Ohio so I'll be hitting up the local library soon. I'm not where I'd like to be with my working out goal, but what I've done has been ...

I've been thinking a lot about the truth and what does that mean. How do you determine what is the truth? How can 2 people see or be in the same situation but not have the same truth? How can something be so dependent on perspective carry so much weight in our world and our society? For me, this blog will be MY truth. This is MY story. What I say and share here is mine and not a reflection of those who may be in my stories or a part of my world and life. I am responsible for my story and to keep it accurate, I promise that what I share here will be my truth. In the same right, I hope that I will be respected as what I share with you may not always be pretty, what you want to hear or what you want for me. I am the writer of my own story and what's on my heart. Sharing is not an easy place to be and anyone who knows me knows how uncomfortable I am with emotions, especially ones that may make me cry. Not in my comfort zone. But I promise to be authentic and truthful. To listen to ...

I had a thought today. About what it means to start over. Opportunities like that are few and far between, but do you ever REALLY get to start over? And what does that look like? Does it take leaving everything behind? Or can you do it by just eliminating that part of you? I don't know the answer to the questions, but I'm doing my version of tabula rosa.  In true fashion of my life, the unbelievable happened this year. I fell in love. Like fell like hardcore. Head over heels. Thought it was forever. Talk of a wedding, a life together and plans for the future were made. We traveled together. We lived together. He was added as an emergency contact on Maggys microchip. It was serious. It was amazing and incredible and I hadn't had a partner like that... Well ever. And then he disappeared. And I mean that almost entirely literally. I came home from work and he'd taken everything from his life and left without a note or a reason. And as unbelievable as our love had been, the...